Life as I know it

The big question continues to emerge as I get closer to graduating. Who am I? What do I stand for and what is my purpose in life? I am at the stage in life where I’m loosing my balance and trying to re-find my medium.  What really makes me happy….?

Senior year is a weird feeling… it’s like freshman year all over again… but now freshman year to the real world. Its scary and beautiful at the same time because I have been waiting for this moment my whole life- to prove I am not just a statistic, but I can be a successful independent woman who made herself that way, even with the dysfunctional family legacy I was left with. I can be resilient, smart, and live a life with integrity to the fullest… it’s just a matter of pushing through the trials and errors—and to not like fear take over my decision because “faith and fear do not live together in one heart”- Brother Andrew is a wise man and I think that there is a lot of truth in that saying.

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   I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to write another blog…. Well I have been so busy lately, that it has been in last on my to do list to be completely honest.  Lets see what I shall update you all on… Well, I will start with my studies. . one week to go until holiday starts! I am so excited to be finished…. These past couple weeks have been filled with stress from all my papers and presentations that have been due, so praise God I am almost through! My studies here have been very interesting… the system here is so different from America, and one aspect I really enjoy is the amount of discussions that we have…. It is really interesting to hear from the other students… it has taught me a lot.  Also, I have learned so much about this country and it is sad for me to say, but I feel like I now know more about the history of South Africa then I do my own country.  I have had so many opportunities to go and see different places of history while learning about it—so it has put a lot into perspective for me. 

That’s all I’m really going to say about college, well last thing I might add…. I am never going to complain ever again about my resources that I am blessed with back at home. Living in America, the resources available are so easy to get a hold of that we seem to forget so easily how lucky we are to have them and how much of a blessing it is to have them! Being in South Africa has definitely brought that realization to me.  Not having the ability to have access to Internet or being able to print whenever I feel like it has really taught me to be efficient with my time and creative with the resources that are readily available to me.  (there are just a couple examples of resource limitation)

Next thing I will update you on is my internship….. what an opportunity! I have gotten the chance to counsel individual grade 2 students and co-facilitate a group of grade 7 girls. This has been such a great experience for me.  The irony in this internship for me is that I have also envisioned myself working with students in a counseling way until I took a counseling course last semester which I loved , but I didn’t feel like counseling was for me afterwards.  However, it turns out I get the internship that has everything I changed my mind about.  I didn’t think I would be counseling or working with grade 2s. The irony is that I envisioned my self doing this internship, but changed my mind about it, then in South Africa I am placed in a counseling position and I actually end up really loving it! It’s funny how easily I became passionate about working with these kids.  It feels right.  I know that I am not doing a perfect job at it, but I am learning and this experience has been shaping me like crazy.

 I could go on for hours… but I will just keep it at that.  It’s funny how God can just place you in South Africa to reveal a passion to you that you never knew you had (or to remind you about a passion you thought you no longer had).  In fact, God has been doing this a lot to me since being here.  Who would have known, I can be a HUGE introvert at times? I didn’t think it was possible, but while being here, I have been stripped completely of my independence and of my support systems back at home—so I have had the chance to do and be who I really want to. God has placed me in a home with no Internet access and in a place where I have to depend on my family and on GOD.  These couple of factors in my trip has really taught me the importance of how to lean on God and the importance of leaning on my family.  My host mom that I live with has been really great and helped me a lot by being there for me.  Anytime I need to lean on her or if I need something I know I can depend on her—and that I am not a burden to her.  Majority of my life I have felt like I am a burden to people, so being forced to depend on someone and finally understand the importance of leaning on each other and needing each other has really helped me.          

 Letting go of my independence has been one of the hardest things for me to do while being here, but it has taught me one of the biggest and most important lessons: not being 100% independent and having to lean on people sometimes does not make me weak, but human.  I can’t always do it by myself and I can’t always be strong for myself, which is why God placed people in my life for those times.  I am not a failure if I cannot do it on my own, in fact, God has taught me that he doesn’t want me to do it on my own.  Trust has never come easy for me, but in South Africa, I have been learning how to trust and learning how to be wise.  South Africa has been such a great experience for me thus far.  It has challenged me beyond what I thought was possible and it has been shaping me into the person that I want to become.  I never would have thought that South Africa could have impacted me this much… it is simply Amazing what God can do when you trust him.

Psalm 32:10- The Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

The weekend is finally here!!! I can’t believe it’s already been a week since I have been in South Africa. … This week was very full, but on the same note, very good.  I enjoyed this week.  Although there were a couple milestones, like getting familiar with the area and learning my way around, there was a lot of good that came from the unfamiliarity.  I had to learn how to be content with not having as much independence I am used to having at home as well as learning how to ask for help or assistance if I need it.  Back at home, one of my weaknesses is always trying to do things on my own and feeling bad if I couldn’t do something on my own.  This week has taught me that it is okay to receive help from others and that sometimes it is ok to not be as independent, rather to be resourceful and communal. 

This week was full of lectures and trips.  I attended lectures from 8:30 until around 12:00-12:30ish Monday-Thursday.  We also watched A Reasonable Man, on Tuesday after our lecture.  This movie was very interesting and sad to me.  It was a film done to show the differences amongst cultures as well as the relevance to them.  I learned a lot from this movie. 

Wednesday was the day we visited the Slave Lodge and Bo-Kaap museums.  These were very powerful and taught me a lot—especially about the Islamic culture.  I was very fascinated by all the colorful homes we observed in the neighborhood, as well as the Mosque.  The Mosque that we visited was actually the oldest one in South Africa.  That was a cool experience for me.  I was able to hear a Muslim’s perspective on their culture and her beliefs. 

On the other hand, the Slave Lodge was very meaningful as well.  I think that sometimes it is easy to forget the past was not that long ago in history.  This museum made me very sad.  It made me feel so bad for everything that happened in the past and it made me think of America along with all of the slaves that had suffered there as well.  There was also a huge portion about Nelson Mandela in this museum as well.  This part really taught me a lot about this man and gave me more insight to all of the roles that he had for South Africa. He is one of my new inspirations.  These two museums really impacted my perspective about society and my appreciation of people’s cultures.  They gave me good insight.

On Thursday, we had a lighter day of lecture and we got out of class pretty early.  It was really nice.  Shelly and I decided to get cookie mix and bake some cookies with the boys.  So when we got home, we played some soccer (I was sooooo HAPPY!! Finally!!!) and then baked some sugar cookies with sprinkles and small chocolate chips.  I might add, they did turn out tasting very yummy! This was a nice day to spend some quality time with the boys and get to have some fun along with relaxation time.  It was much needed!

Friday…. We will be going to the theme park, mall and double-header soccer game!!

After this full week, I know that this is where I am supposed to be.  It all feels right, even the times of loneliness and adversity.  I know that God’s working on me and giving me this opportunity to help transform me into the person I am supposed to be.

I also might add… I am getting a nice tan too!